Laisse-Moi T'Aider
by theoneformerlyknownasperson
Summary: Matthew Williams is just a normal teenager. Yeah right. Dealing with depression and cutting, while trying to act 'normal' isn't easy. It's even harder when your best friend/crush keeps trying to find out what's wrong. PruCan. Chapters might start out short.
1. Me Just Me

A/N: Okay, so it may be awhile before I update Farming Life, so in the mean time I'm publishing this story. It's probably not very good, but I came up with the first few chapters in French class. Let me know what you guys think.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own nothing but me.

* * *

Matthew POV

I set the razor blade down and looked at my handiwork. The ruby-red droplets gently rained down to the sink. I sit there watching for a minute before starting to bandage my arms. I know what you're thinking, "No Mattie! Don't do this! We love you!" Well, love is what got me into this mess. What do I mean? See, my parents aren't usually very conservative. The exception to this is when it comes to homosexuality; in that case, they are the most conservative people you will ever meet. My twin brother, Alfred, came out a couple of months ago, and they kicked him out. Actually, dad chased him out with a gun. Don't worry about him though; he's staying with his friend (read: boyfriend) Arthur. So what does all that have to do with me? It all started in elementary school. I had a little bit of a crush. On a boy in my class.

That's right, I'm gay. But you can you blame? He was so cute, and since a lot of the girls liked him too, I thought I was just like everyone else. Oh well. So why did I start cutting? Shortly after I started middle school, I was told by my parents that liking the same gender was wrong, so I got really depressed. The cutting was my way of trying to 'correct' myself. Don't worry, I got over the whole 'I'm-must-be-wrong-and-messed-up' thing, but I still deal with depression and cutting. Sad, but true. No big deal, to me at least.

Hello, I'm Matthew Williams. I'm gay, suffer depression, and self-harm.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, the intro is kind of short. Sorry.

The title is French for "Let Me Help You."


	2. Colors of Red and White

A/N: Okay, this is still probably not very good. Hopefully I can get better at writing this for the rest of this story.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except for myself.

* * *

Matthew POV

The sun seeps through my windows and wakes me up every morning. Another day of loneliness and despair. Wow, that sounded so emo. I get up before I start a mental debate over depression versus emoness. I put on my hoodie and head downstairs. "Good morning Matthew!" My mother smiles. I just nod and quickly eat my breakfast. "What are you in a hurry for son? School doesn't start for over an hour." My dad asks. "I'm meeting with some friends before school." Lie, but he believes it. "Ok. Have fun." I run out the door. "Bye dad." I only left to get away from both of them. Besides, if I get lucky, I might see Alfred or, better yet, Gilbert. Gilbert has been my best friend for years, since my old friend Carlos moved away. And he's hot. Like "I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt" hot. Not that he knows I think that. Don't get me wrong; he knows I'm gay. Mostly because I am, as Alfred puts it, gayer-than-the-rainbow. I just haven't told him about my crush though. "Yo Birdie!" Gilbert's voice drags me out of my thoughts. "Oh, hey Gil." He grins and my heart starts fluttering. Damn, I better not be blushing; I might be gay, but I am NOT a girl. "Birdie, you're spacing out again." He takes advantage of my spaceyness and leans close to my to my ear. "SPACE~!" He whispers loudly. I jump and glare at him. "What are you, the Space Core?" He just laughs. "So Birdie, I was thinking..." "God help us all." He glares playfully before continuing. "Anyway, I was wondering if you..." *RING* "That's the bell. Just ask me later, okay?" He nods, but as we part, I can't help but notice his expression. He looks disappointed for some reason.

* * *

_Time skip_

Gilbert POV

"Everyone, please report to the auditorium." This assembly is a surprise, not just to the students but to the teachers too. Whatever, it gets us out of class. I catch up to Birdie so we can sit together. I hope this assembly is short; I'm planning to ask Birdie out afterwards, since I couldn't this morning. A speaker steps on stage. "I know some of you don't want to be here, some of you are just glad to be missing class, and some of you would rather be home." "Fuck yeah we'd rather be home." I whisper to Birdie. He giggles a little but tries to hide it. "But some of you don't want to be anywhere at all." I groan. Great, it's one of those assemblies. I look at Birdie to make a joke to lighten the mood, but I stop at his expression. He looks worried and is spaced out again. "Suicide is becoming the leading cause of death among teenagers. But it can be prevented." The speaker guy proceeded to list a bunch of signs of depression, a lot of which fit Birdie.

* * *

Matthew POV

Damn it, damn it, damn it! This guy might as well bring me up there and say, "This is Matthew Williams, a prime example of a suicide risk." I notice Gil looking at me. "What?" "Are you okay?" He seems concerned, which is weird for him. "I'm fine." I respond.

* * *

Gilbert POV

See mind, nothing's wrong with Birdie. I don't know why, but my mind still doesn't believe it. The speaker guy says some stuff on ways we can try to help someone with depression and prevent suicide, then dismisses us. Since school's over I need to ask Birdie out before he leaves. "Hey Birdie?" He looks up with a quick 'Hmm?' "Would you like to go on a date? With me?"

* * *

Matthew POV

Fuck, I'm blushing. "Uh... y-yeah." Quit stuttering, quit stuttering, quit stuttering. God, this is embarassing. Gil grins. "So... Saturday at 1?" I nod and smile a little. "Great! I'll pick you up at your house!" My smile instantly disappears. "No! I mean, I'll meet you at the park." He nods, but I can tell he wants to no why I don't want him coming to my house. We say goodbye and head home. While I walk home, I smile to myself and start thinking. It's funny, my life is dominated by colors of red and white. My Canadian heritage, my cuts and bandages, and now my albino boyfriend.

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A/N: Yeah... I don't have anything to say.

Review?


	3. Burden

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update! Thanks for the reviews! *sends hugs to all the reviewers*

Half of this chapter was written last Tuesday and the other half was written today.

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Matthew POV

I have a date Saturday. With Gil, my best friend. Isn't dating your best friend supposed to be awkward? Or would it make it better? Maybe I'm over thinking it. Oh my god, I have a date!

"Yo Matt!"

Does that make me and Gil boyfriends?

"Mattie-Matt!"

Or do we have to wait a few dates?

"Mattie!"

Or maybe he meant it as just friends? Or...

"Wake up Bro!"

I snap out of my thoughts at the voice screaming in my ear. "What do you need Al?" He grins at my response. "Welcome back to the world of the living! Anyway, I was just wondering how're you doing." Oh great. Contrary to popular belief, Alfred is a good brother and never forgets me. That's a bad thing. If Alfred found out about my depression and cutting, Arthur and him would send me to therapy. Not that I have a problem with therapy, but it would be expensive. They're already low on money, so I don't want to burden them. "I'm fine. I got a date tomorrow." Alfred's expression changed from concerned, to happy, to slightly evil. "Whose ass do I need to threaten now?" I glare at him. "I'm dating Gil. No threatening Al!" He groans. "Dude! The albino nazi? First you have a crush on a druggie, the our commie neighbor, then you're friends with a commie, now you're dating a nazi?!" I punch his shoulder. "One, Lars didn't do drugs, his dad smoked. Two, Ivan isn't a communist. Heck, Russia hasn't been communist in years! Three, Carlos wasn't a communist either. He only hated you because you fought with him. And four, Gil is NOT a nazi. Al, Nazi Germany has been gone for over half a century!" He blinks. "So?" You know those times when you want just want to kill your sibling? Well, this is one of those moments. "What's wrong love?" Thank goodness, Arthur can help. "Artie! Mattie's dating Gilbert the Nazi!" Arthur smacked him. "Git! He's not a nazi!" He turned to me. "I don't exactly agree with your decision Matthew, but I wish you the best of luck." Even if they are just dating, Arthur is already like family. He nods a goodbye and drags my brother away.

I run home. Now that's something I never thought I would do. I'm probably just excited for tomorrow. My mom is sitting in the living room as I enter. "You seem happy today." "I have a date Saturday." It's not a lie, I just didn't say who I'm going with. My mom grins. "What a lucky girl!" I nod, though I'm not sure Gil would appreciate being called a girl. "Yeah. I'm tired right now, so I'm going to lie down for a while." She chuckled. "Alright. I'll let you know when dinner is ready." I don't respond and quickly go to my room. I lock the door and grab my razors. As I cut, my mind starts to wander. I wonder, why do I still cut? Is it my depression or something else? Will I ever be able to stop? Why would I want to stop? I sigh, knowing I have no way to answer my own questions. All I know is that no one can ever find out. I wouldn't want to burden someone like that.

* * *

Gilbert POV

Birdie seemed a lot happier after I asked him out. Maybe it's because I'm so awesome! Kesese! With my awesomeness and his awesomeness, we'll be a kickass awesome couple! I see West, mein kleiner bruder, waiting for me by our car. Opa doesn't like to spend a lot of money, so we only have one car. As I get closer, I notice he is talking to one of those Italian kids. Must be his boytoy Feli. "Yo West! Awesome is here!" He sighs irritably. "Just a minute bruder. Feliciano, try not to get hurt again." "I will Luddy! See you tomorrow!" As the bubbly Italian skips off, I snicker. "Luddy?" "Shut up." Ludwig gets in the car and I hop into the passenger side.

At home we're greeted by Opa. "I have a date tomorrow!" I shout randomly. Random shouting is fun, and trust me, Opa and West's faces are proof. "Was?" "I have a date tomorrow." Opa looks irritated. Oh wait, he's always irritated. "What have I told you..." "Relax, I'm not breaking some girl's heart. It's with Birdie." "Birdie?" Oops. I forgot that Opa doesn't know about my nickname for Matthew. "Birdie is my nickname for Matthew. You know, my best friend." Opa takes a moment to remember him, but when he does he looks at me suspiciously. " He's a nice boy. You better not..." I groan and wave him off. "...Corrupt him. Got it. Make sure I treat him well. Got it. Don't hurt him. Ja, I got it!" I look at West and smirk. "Don't you and Feli have a date too?" He makes a sound of surprise and I run off before he can kill me. Man, it's fun teasing West! I go to my room and jump onto the bed. I look to the side and see a picture of Birdie and me on the table by my bed. Birdie wasn't smiling in that picture, but he wasn't exactly frowning either. It's like he was trying to hide his emotions as if he was afraid to burden someone with them. Oh well, at least he'll be happy now.

...

Holy shit! I have a date with my best friend! Damn, I really need to think before I act.

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A/N: I'm trying to make these chapters longer.

Right now I'm working on the next chapter for this story, and I hope to have it finished by tomorrow or Wednesday.

(Extra note: If you guys wouldn't mind, please review my story First Aid with England.)

Review please!


	4. Saturday

A/N: I am so sorry! This took longer than I expected it to, mostly due to having writer's block for a few days.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but me.

* * *

Gilbert POV

Gott, I am so nervous. Not that I regret asking Birdie out; I'm glad I did. It's just that Birdie is so shy and socially awkward, he'll probably be freaked out today.

...

Then again, he is pretty cute when he's nervous.

Focus! I can't let myself get distracted. I plan to make this Birdie's best day ever, which is why I got up early. Ja, I got up early. On a Saturday. I'm just that awesome. Right now I'm waiting for Birdie at the park. Okay let's check: I'm here early, check. I have some tulips, check. (I found out from an old friend of Birdie's that he loves tulips.) A wonderful date planned, check. It's all good, I'm ready for this. I think. Oh gott, there's Birdie!

* * *

Matthew POV

I am freaking out! Freaking out I tell you!

I'm in a panic for two reasons: one, I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH MY BEST FRIEND! If this doesn't work out, our friendship could possibly be ruined! And two, I had to tell my mom I'm going on a date with a girl. I had to lie! I mean, I do lie everyday by saying I'm fine, but this is a new lie! And if she finds out the truth... I can't let that happen!

When I see Gilbert, I calm down a little. "Hallo Birdie!" His smile makes me smile. "Salut Gil." He pulls something from behind his back. "These are for you." Tulips. He's giving me tulips.

I. Love. Tulips.

Back in elementary school, Lars had given me some for helping him. (He only gave them as a friend though. No romantic feelings at all.) And the only person I had told about my love of tulips to was Carlos. So this means either Gilbert contacted Carlos, he's psychic, or he's a lucky guesser. Whatever it is, my mood is up 200%. "Merci beaucoup! J'adore les tulipes!" It takes me a moment, and Gil's laughter, to realize that I was speaking French. "Déso... I mean, sorry." He grins at me. "It's fine. You're cute when you speak French." I smile at him, then blush. "I'm not cute." He laughs again. "Not cute? Well then, I guess I'll say you're handsome instead!" Damn it Gil! Stop making me blush! "Let's just go." Gil puts his arms around me. "First, to the carnival!"

Oh. I forgot that the local carnival was this week. It's been years since I've gone to the carnival. My parents used to take Alfred and me, but they stopped after the saw two girls on a date together there. I wonder if anything there has changed.

* * *

Gilbert POV

Birdie seems so happy and our date has barely started! It's probably because of my awesomeness and the awesome flowers I gave him. I just need to make sure he stays happy.

I know! I'll win him a prize! Due to my awesomeness, I'll definately win. As we enter the carnival grounds, I notice Birdie looking at something. I follow his gaze and grin. It's a stuffed polar bear. Top prize at one the hardest, and oldest, games.

Well, hard for everyone else, but it's easy for awesome people, like myself. Of course Birdie hasn't notice that I've seen his gaze. "Hey, let's go play that game!" I pull him over to the gamestand and grin. "I'm going to win you a prize, Birdie!" He just stares at me. "Gil, this is the _hardest_ game here." Silly naïve Birdie. "Don't doubt my awesomeness."

* * *

_timeskip a few minutes_

Matthew POV

Woah. I can only gape at Gil. He won in one try. One. Maybe his "awesomeness" has some truth to it. He picks his prize then hands it to me. Holy shit! It's a stuffed polar bear! I love polar bears!

Honestly, I love Gil, but if I had to choose between him and a polar bear, I'm picking the damn bear. "Merci beaucoup!" I quickly say. I don't trust myself to speak and not ramble in French right now. The flowers, the bear, it's all really sweet of Gil to do.

... Fuck! I'm blushing again!

* * *

_timeskip_

Gilbert POV

We rode on some rides, had lunch, and then rode on some more rides. After a while, I decided to enact part two of our awesome date. Now I take him to this resturant Francis' family owns.

As soon as Birdie sees the menu though, his eyes widen. "Gilbert! This stuff costs a fortune!" I laugh and shake my head. "Nope, not for me. Franny's folks give me a huge discount." He calms down then quirks and eyebrow. "Speaking of Francis, where is he? I haven't seen him in school for a while." "He's visiting France. Should be back next week." I can't wait to see French Fry's face when he finds out that I have a boyfriend.

After dinner, I take Birdie to the movies. He wasn't paying attention at first, but when he realized I was dragging him to a chick flick, well... let's just say Birdie has a strong arm.

After a few debates, and one heated arguement, we settled on watching a recently released mystery movie. Birdie enjoyed it and I pulled the cheesy pretend-to-be-tired-and-put-arm-around-date's-shoulder move. (Not that Birdie noticed. Or he pretended not to notice.) I walk him back to the park, since he still doesn't want me going to his house. As we say goodbye, I give him a goodnight kiss.

* * *

Matthew POV

Oh. My. God. Gil is kissing me! Oh my god! He's actually kissing me! Unfortunately, it ends too quickly. "Stay awesome Birdie." Gil whispers in my ear. Damn it! I keep blushing! "Au revoir." I whisper as he leaves.

For once, I feel so wonderful, almost euphoric. I don't even feel the need to cut! I walk into my house in my slightly dazed state.

"Matthew!"

My mom's voice startles me. "Oh, hi mom." She glares at me, making me nervous. Why is she so angry? "I thought you said you had a date today." I nod. "I did." She glares even more. "I was out shopping early, and I saw you with a boy. A boy!"

Oh. Shit. She saw me and Gilbert on our date! I have to quickly come up with an excuse!

"The girl stood me up, so Gilbert spent the day with me to cheer me up." She looks at me for a moment, but she nods and believes me. "Sorry for that Matthew." I just nod and head to my room.

"Oh Matthew?" She calls out. "Yes?"

"You know it's a sin for a man to love another man in a romantic way." I reluctantly nod. "Yes mother." I quickly run to my room.

Once I get to my room, I grab my razors and start cutting again. So much for being happy.

* * *

A/N: Again, I'm so sorry this is late!

By the way, I am trying to update my First Aid with England story, but I would like to have some more reviews for it before I update it. So if you guys wouldn't mind looking at it, please do. Thanks!


	5. An End and A Beginning

A/N: I'm so sorry! I had this written last week, but I never got around to typing it until now.

I should warn you guys, their is a lot of swearing (in both English and German) towards the end of this chapter.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothin' but myself.

* * *

Matthew POV

Sunday isn't going well. Especially since my mom and dad have spent most of the day listing every reason they can think of for why homosexuality is wrong.

Now I know why Alfred came out. Better to be out and away from here than to be closeted and have to deal with this.

By the afternoon, I was already going to my room to cut. I guess after the "close call" yesterday, my parents are trying to ensure that I don't become gay (They're a little late for that.) by making today as miserable for me as possible.

Yeah, my mom's a bitch, my dad's an asshole, and they're both bastards.

I'm starting to sound like the Italian kid in my class who swears alot. (I think his name's Lovino.) Unfortunately, my parents words get me thinking. Maybe if I had the courage, like Alfred did, I could just come out and leave. No, I would have no where to go. Well, I could stay with Gil, or I could stay with Al and Arthur. No, I wouldn't want to bother them like that. Okay, so leaving isn't an option. Staying? Hell no! I've already cut myself earlier and more than usual. I don't think I can take this anymore though.

So what option do I have?

...

* * *

Gilbert POV

Oh man! I can't stop thinking about me and Birdie's date. It was awesome!

I've spent all morning bugging Ludwig and telling him about it! I really hope Birdie's day is going as awesome as mine. I hear my phone buzz and I pick it up.

Sweet! It's a text from Birdie! I open the message and read it. "Je t'aime Gil. Au revoir." Well that was strange.

...

Wait... Goodbye? What does he mean by goodbye? My minds flashes back to the assembly Friday.

Shit!

* * *

I run to Birdie's house as fast as I could go. When I got there, I began knocking on the door quickly. Thankfully, his mom answered it. I run up to Birdie's room (Thank Gott he told me where it is once.) and open the door. While I'm glad Birdie didn't lock his door, I still am shocked at what I see.

Birdie usually wears a hoodie, but now he wasn't. Along his arms were scars and bleeding cuts. And then there was the blanket. Birdie had tied a small blanket into a makeshift noose. Below him was a small pile of books, that when stacked would've been high enough to allow him to choke but not enough to break his neck.

"Birdie!" I quickly untie the makeshift noose and set Birdie on his bed. His breath is extremely shallow and his pulse is weak. I use one hand to call on ambulance and the other to try to stop the bleeding cuts. When the ambulance arrives, they quickly load up Birdie. Luckily, I'm allowed to ride with him. I didn't see his parents' reactions to all this before I got on, but right now I don't care.

All that matters is Birdie.

* * *

_Time skip_

The hospital had called Birdie's brother and his boyfriend, so now the three of us are waiting for Birdie's results. Eyebrows is trying to calm Al and I'm pacing around the waiting room. (And I swear that if Eyebrows wasn't holding him, Al would be pacing around too.) It takes several hours, but eventually a doctor comes out. "He will make a full physical recovery. However, he is suffering from severe depression. We found a multitude of scars on his arms and legs. We'll keep him here on suicide watch for twenty-four hours. I would also recommend that when he goes home, he take antidepressants and come to therapy." Al nodded. "Can we see him?" The doctor nodded and took us to Birdie's room.

Birdie was awake, but he wouldn't look at us. "Hey Mattie." Al greeted while patting his head. It's all too obvious that he's nervous, and the marks around Birdie's neck aren't helping. I gently grab Birdie's hand. "Hallo Matthew." When Birdie hears me use his name, he looks at me. I give him a gentle smile. "Ich liebe dich auch." Birdie squeezes my hand and I give his hand a kiss. Al looks like he wants to murder me, but he holds back for Birdie. Instead, he turns back to Birdie. "Bro, after you get out of here you're gonna have to go to therapy. The doc's also gonna give you some antidepressants. Okay?" Birdie looks worried, and I think I know why. He had told me several months ago that his brother and his brother's boyfriend were tight on money. Before he can panic, I quickly intervene. "Don't worry, I'll pay for it." Birdie looks at me gratefully, while the other two blonds just stared in surprise. Guess my awesome kindness is too awesome for them.

Eyebrows is the first to recover. "Also lad, I think it's best you don't stay with you parents." I don't understand what he's talking about, but Birdie nods. Al sighs. "Yeah dude. You can stay with...Gilbert. Don't make me regret this dude!" Now it's my turn to be surprised. I mean, it's awesome, but this is Alfred we're talking about.

Alfred said that his brother could stay with me. Life's just full of surprises.

I smile at Birdie. "Ja, you can stay with me." As I say that, Birdie finally smiles.

* * *

Alfred POV

Since the docs thought Mattie should rest, they made us leave early. While we were leaving, I explained the issue me and Mattie have with our parents.

Man, did Gilbert look pissed.

As soon as we exited to the waiting room, we saw my (former) parents walking in. Immediately the three of us blocked the door. My (former) mother glared at us. "Move." Me and Gilbert growled at her. Arthur was the only one able to answer without beating the shit out of her. (Even if she's a woman, I'm still willing to punch her.) "Excuse us, Ma'am, but the doctor ordered that Matthew be allowed to rest." Good old Artie, always so formal. Not that the bitch cares about Artie's manners. "I'm his mother! I'm allowed to see him whether you fags like it or not!"

That set me off. "You damn bitch! You lost the right to say you his mom when you drove him to fucking suicide!" Artie held me back from punching her in the face.

Gilbert looked at the receptionist, who nodded. Weird. She then left the waiting room, while at the same time all the cameras in the waiting room went off. Before I could wonder why, I got my answer.

Gilbert ran forward and punched both of my (former) parents in the face. When my (former) mother tried to retaliate, he slapped her. "You fickerei made Birdie try to kill himself! Get the fick out of here arschlöcher!"

Well, that got them to leave.

I grinned at Gilbert. "Dude, you now have my approval!"

* * *

A/N: Again, I'm really sorry about this being late.

It will be a while before I have the next chapter ready, so be patient.

Review please!


	6. AN: Good News and Bad News

A/N: Sorry once again for another author's note.

Well, I've got good news and bad news.

Good news: I finished writing the next chapter and I just need to type it and upload it.

Bad news: Please don't hate me, but I lost the paper I wrote the next chapter on.

As soon as I find it again, I'll start typing it. Whenever I (finally) upload it, I'll delete this author's note.

Sorry for making you guys wait even longer. D:


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